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$hitcoin: How to hype your shitcoin to the moon
Read more information at deadbirdpress. However, none of what follows is true. None of what follows has ever — or likely will ever — actually happen ed. This is a pure work of fiction. It is not real. We need to make progress.
So this is progress. We go to the conference, we network, meet with other projects and investors, and start really making things happen. The frat crew roll through reception, drawing worried looks from the staff, Aart smiling apologetically.
Hoe gaat het? The confidence he gained over the previous few weeks disappears, leaving him a mouth-breathing mess of neuroses, anxiety pricking randomly-distributed nerve endings throughout his body.
Guus smiles, thinking you have to do this. His breathing becomes heavier, amplified by the microphone, echoing off the walls, overwhelming the room.
Guus stares out at the stone-faced crowd of unwashed crypto enthusiasts, their arms folded, some falling into chatter with the people beside them, others engrossed in phone screens, some lifting their phones to capture his moment of complete capitulation on camera. Fuck you. You are not Guus van Hooijdink. You are Honey Badger. Be Honey Badger. Be fucking Honey Badger. On behalf of. To speak for Future Synergy Coin. And vat ve have is ze very interesting products.
Not… not… products so much. Ve have ze token, of ze Future Synergy. The Coin. Part of the learning curve.
There will be at least two thousand people there. Conferences are the product. This is a hype game. Think about Tron. Are you fucking racist? Charismatic as fuck. And every technology in human history was only adopted because some charismatic kankerautist fooled people into believing in it. Yes it is. Think about it! Steve Jobs comes along with his black roll-neck sweater and a fucking MP3 player just like a thousand other MP3 players, and the world goes crazy for him.
Do you really think Tom Cruise is the all-time greatest actor? Do you think Drake is the most talented rapper? Do you think Donald Trump is qualified to be fucking President? They have charisma, Aart. If you have a fixed mindset, you think that you are a shit, and you can never do anything, and you will wither and die in a fucking government-provided hovel with six kids who fucking hate you and a failed marriage and a fucking heroin needle hanging out your arm.
But if you have a growth mindset, you can do anything. You are the master of your own destiny. Do you think cavemen thought that we would one day walk on the fucking moon? He marched right through this city, through this country. He brought the continent to its knees. And when you listen to him speak, you see why; the passion! The fire! The fury! The way they control the crowd! All of them! And I promise you, I fucking swear to you, I swear with every fibre of my fucking being — I will not disappoint you again.
Now how much did it cost you to replace it? And how long did it take for you to receive a new document? The climax draws a standing ovation from a conquered crowd. Did you check the price today? The roadmap. People have invested millions of dollars in us. And we need some other token that gets created just by holding FSC. We need to start delivering on the roadmap. They agreed to close for the night and allow us exclusive use of their premises. Today, you are successful. You operate the largest cannabis distribution network in the Northern Netherlands.
But to stay still is to make your competitors stronger; in five, ten, twenty years, what will your business look like? Do you think men will still wander the Red Light District? Do you think people will still buy narcotics from street dealers? The most tech-savvy of our generation have already become accustomed to ordering narcotics over the dark web using cryptocurrency.
Imagine the possibilities that this opens to you. Imagine every drug user and whorefucker on this continent with an app on their phones that allows them instant access to a catalogue of all your products.
Imagine a decentralised rating system, capable of protecting your girls from abusive clients, and your dealers from any police sting operations. Aart sips from his water to calm his nerves, now regretting having refused a glass of Chivas Regal. He just paid Euros to fucking smoke, Aart thinks, staring at the immensely unsavoury characters seated either side of the table, wondering just how huge a disaster their project can possibly become.
Then he died, and his vision crumbled, and Yugoslavia descended into civil war. These grand visions and ambitions may sound attractive, but they almost always lead to disaster. What we have now is safe and stable and in no danger of falling apart; if we reach too far, we risk losing what we already have.
I have studied his speeches closely. But Yugoslavia did not fall apart because it was too big; it fell apart because it was too small. Neuken in de keuken! The hostesses? The Indonesian girl? Aart stares at Guus; in complete contrast to Wesley, he appears fully sober, utterly in command of himself.
I am the man with the billion-dollar yacht, casting a net into the sea and scooping them up to bring back to shore. Cryptocurrency is a grand zero-sum game of pan-continental warfare. Those who adapt and grow will survive and prosper; those who shrink to protect what they have will wither and die.
Every one of you gathered here today is like the band on the Titanic, gamely doing your designated duties while water rises around your ankles. What the speakers from every other cryptocurrency are offering you here today is access to a lifeboat. I am not here to offer you a lifeboat. I am here to offer you the gills and temperature-tolerance needed to dive deep into the icy ocean and discover the bountiful treasure hidden in its depths.
When he retreats to his opulent hotel room alone that night, he takes it as a sign the women of the German finance industry are too overawed to spend long in his presence; angels terrified of singeing their wings against the immense heat generated by the Sun.
The next conference is in Dubai. The Rolls Royce sweeps along a private highway leading directly from the wide boulevards of downtown Dubai across a golden-sand beach and glistening oceanfront, their hotel overpowering the horizon ahead: the iconic sail-shaped Burj Al Arab Jumeirah.
I thought that it would be prudent to stay another day after the conference ends and try to set up a few deals with major Arab investors. The fragrance of this potent-but-refined blend is further enhanced with the addition of freshly-picked kaffir lime leaves and authentic orange zest. Ten thousand dollars per night, Aart thinks. For four nights. And bring me another Bon Fire. They simply are divine. Guus sighs theatrically. These exchange rates are forever changing.
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All rights reserved. Charles St, Baltimore, MD There have been spectacular increases in the price of altcoins in What a week it has been for cryptocurrencies. For instance:. The recent sell-off in the cryptocurrency space is the biggest in over a year.
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The topic was absent in most of the event's panel sessions, despite its prominent status in the most recent news cycle. Instead, speakers at this edition of TNABC appeared undeterred by this development and more focused on the work ahead. The sentiment was echoed by AltMarket co-founder Bryce Weiner, who explained that he feels the event showcased how the industry is closer to consolidating its efforts. Lawrence Nahum, CEO of multisig startup GreenAddress , was more direct in his characterization of the visibly tempered enthusiasm of attendees. Still, a number of talks showcased that, despite a seemingly ever-increasing diversity of ideas, the bitcoin community is demonstrating that it can direct a concerted effort toward attacking problems. Bitcoin costs the consumer 1. The topic may be an unexpected one for Lukasiewicz to address given that his exchange business largely aims to encourage market makers into the bitcoin ecosystem.
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